I'm a 25-year-old gay man. My parents have been divorced most of my life, and my dad came out to me as gay when I was 15. I came out to him and everyone else when I was 18. We've always had a good relationship, but we don't see each other that often because we live on different coasts. We're probably more open with each other about sex than most fathers and sons, but not in ways that I think are inappropriate. For example, on a recent visit we shared which hookup apps we were on so we could block each other. He's also made sure I'm being safe about things like casual sex, drugs, and PrEP. As a result of these conversations, I know he's kind of kinky and into bondage, but don't have details on what he enjoys.
On my latest trip to see him, a friend of my dad’s came over to pick him up. My dad didn't refer to it as a hookup beforehand but when the guy arrived, I could tell that's what they were planning. Before they left for the other guy’s place, my dad’s friend started to flirt with me, which I didn't take seriously. But as they were leaving the friend said it would be hot if I joined them for an incest scene. Then my dad made a joke about how it be "father/son bondage time — I mean bonding time!" I didn't think that was funny, but I laughed and then said I wasn't interested, and they left. I stayed for two more days, and my dad never said anything else that made me uncomfortable, and we never discussed this guy again or the joke.
I really don't think my dad wants to fuck me and he probably would have freaked out if I acted like he was serious and said yes. I know it was just a bad joke, but ever since I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts and trying to not think about it only makes me think about it more. I like light bondage and want to continue doing it, but now I can’t even think about it without thinking about my dad tying me up, something I do not want and do not want to think about. There are a couple of older guys in my life that I regularly meet up with for casual sex that I like to call “daddy.” That word has never made me think of my own dad until now. The last time I said it during sex I lost my erection and told my fuck buddy I didn't feel well and left.
How do I get over this? Should I say something to my dad? Or would that make it worse? I’m sure he’d apologize, but since he didn't intentionally put these thoughts in my head then I don't think an apology would make them go away. I don't want to give up bondage, which I enjoy, and “daddy” is such a common term in gay circles that I'll never get away from it even if I stopped using it myself. I've never been in therapy, but is that what it takes to get rid of unwanted thoughts?
Stupid Humorous Remark Involving Nasty Kink
“I definitely think SHRINK should talk to his father about what happened,” said Dr. Joe Kort...
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